9446 shares
When our home was broken into I went to my daughters room and threw away all of her Justin Bieber things. I told her the burglars took them.
433,928 shares
Sometimes I have sex with my boyfriend knowing he'll pass out after and I can watch whatever I want on tv
158,442 shares
Friend always said I would end up like the guy in 40 year old virgin His mom took my virginity before he even lost his
300,704 shares
I was in charge of making T-shirts for a school club I purposely made all of the girl's shirts 1 size smaller so they'd fit nice and tight.
109,056 shares
I want to keep america fat because it increases my value as someone who is in shape
73,950 shares
Sometimes I wish we could get rid of most safety warnings So darwin's law would take place and idiots would be gone
142,673 shares
I like holding doors open for fat people when they are far away It makes me laugh to see them awkwardly jog to catch up
113,608 shares
YOU CAN BE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE WOMAN IN THE WORLD BUT IF YOU SMOKE CIGARETTES, I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
163,095 shares
My wife and I own and run our own business I would fire her in a heartbeat if I could
365,737 shares
my wife constantly abuses the thermostat so I turned that one into a dummy thermostat and installed a new one she doesn't know about
599,819 shares
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