A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Question. Are they north american cardinals or sandhill cranes? Trick question. Sandhill cranes do not fit in the hand.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Question.
Are they north american cardinals or sandhill cranes?
Trick question.
Sandhill cranes do not fit in the hand.
  Schrute

Makes Advice Animal Posts to r/pics for more karma

Makes Advice Animal Posts to r/pics for more karma  Reddit Alien

wake up hungover with pizza in bed eat pizza

wake up hungover with pizza in bed eat pizza  Foul Bachelor Frog

phone vibrates in pocket accidentally set alarm for pm

phone vibrates in pocket accidentally set alarm for pm  Forever Alone

Roll over in bed and it squeaks everyone in house thinks i'm masturbating

Roll over in bed and it squeaks  everyone in house thinks i'm masturbating   Paranoid Parrot

go to job interview. "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" as your boss

go to job interview.

turn in test say "here's your answer key"

turn in test say

is something indescribable when described as indescribable?

is something indescribable when described as indescribable?  Philosoraptor

they say the best offense is a good defense. FALSE. the best offense is offense.

they say the best offense is a good defense. FALSE.  
the best offense is offense.  Schrute

Can't read my p-p-pokerface? Fact. I am adept in emotion concealment

Can't read my p-p-pokerface? Fact.

I am adept in emotion concealment  Schrute