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"My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he's allowed to decide is who to nuke. The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. And women ar

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3,043 shares

Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of karma." What I said was, "Give me all the karma you have."

Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was,
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142,131 shares

All of my problems are first world problems. Because I live in the first world.

All of my problems are first world problems. Because I live in the first world.
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11,934 shares

I will walk deeper into the belly of the beast if it means I'm able to further limit reckless government spending. I mean, I have so many ideas. Some are simple, like "take down traffic lights," and "eliminate the Post Office." The bigger ones will be to

I will walk deeper into the belly of the beast if it means I'm able to further limit reckless government spending. I mean, I have so many ideas. Some are simple, like
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5,556 shares

Hoes gon' be hoes so i couldn't blame tammy

Hoes gon' be hoes so i couldn't blame tammy
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5,046 shares

There's only one thing I hate more than lying... Skim milk. which is water that's lying about being milk.

There's only one thing I hate more than lying... Skim milk. which is water that's lying about being milk.
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4,297 shares

You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats

You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats
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3,475 shares

Salad? That's what my food eats

Salad? That's what my food eats
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3,335 shares

"My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he's allowed to decide is who to nuke. The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. And women ar
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3,043 shares

I was born ready i'm ron f***ing swanson

I was born ready i'm ron f***ing swanson
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2,909 shares

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
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2,678 shares

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