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Demetri Martin

Is it hot in here? Or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

Is it hot in here? Or are you just suffocating me in this relationship Demetri Martin
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9,397 shares

Are your feet tired? because you've been stomping on my dreams for a while now

Are your feet tired? because you've been stomping on my dreams for a while now Demetri Martin
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886 shares

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.' Demetri Martin
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192 shares

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? ' There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect.

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? ' There it is.
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163 shares

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like 'Huh? What the hell is this? but if it's in a fruit basket you're like 'This is nice

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like 'Huh? What the hell is this? but if it's in a fruit basket you're like 'This is nice Demetri Martin
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105 shares

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