9160 shares
I have never once told anyone that someone said hi
104,451 shares
I have no sympathy for people who complain about being in the army they signed up for it, they are getting paid for it, they knew what they were getting into
403,515 shares
Sometimes when I'm on a crowded subway train I imagine what would happen if I just punched a random person
245,995 shares
whenever my wife asks "guess how much it cost" i double my real guess so she feels better about how much she paid
132,744 shares
If you wear a flat-billed hat I automatically think you're a douche bag
121,244 shares
Whenever my girlfriend shows me something funny from the internet I pretend I haven't already seen it on reddit so she doesn't feel bad
255,801 shares
When i see a fat person walking to a car i watch to see how much the car dips when they get in
452,802 shares
I think girls that don't wear make-up are sexier than girl that do
130,449 shares
If you don't use your turn signal I automatically assume you're a douchebag in every other aspect of your life.
456,645 shares
My family and friends think I'm happy but i'm still depressed and miserable most of the time
118,899 shares
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