Time to jump ship

Time to jump ship - GOT CAUGHT HANDLING MY JUNK BY THE BEACH AND TOUCHING SOME RANDOM LADY'S GOODS I'M A 17TH CENTURY CHINESE SAILOR WITH MY OWN SHIPPING COMPANY Socially Awkward Awesome Penguin

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Smashed my head into the pullup bar Doesn't matter, still did a pullup

Smashed my head into the pullup bar Doesn't matter, still did a pullup

accidently slap girlfriends' face during sex it turns her on immensely

accidently slap girlfriends' face during sex it turns her on immensely

Make low offer on house, too nervous to answer agents calls They think I'm playing hard ball and accept

Make low offer on house, too nervous to answer agents calls They think I'm playing hard ball and accept

Goes to the gym during the super bowl strongest person at the gym

Goes to the gym during the super bowl strongest person at the gym

Sent sext to wrong person Got nudies anyway.

Sent sext to wrong person Got nudies anyway.

TOLD FRIEND ZONE CRUSH HOW I FEEL NEW GIRLFRIEND

TOLD FRIEND ZONE CRUSH HOW I FEEL NEW GIRLFRIEND

Gets friendzoned with benefits

Gets friendzoned  with benefits

Doesn't shower for two days Gets numerous compliments on my hair

Doesn't shower for two days  Gets numerous compliments on my hair

Accidently says "Yes Sir" to a lesbian She takes it as a compliment

Accidently says

puts wrong smiley on text message makes it more sexual

puts wrong smiley on text message makes it more sexual
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