9848 shares
I don't always get a sore throat but when I do, i swallow every five seconds to see if it still hurts
202,313 shares
I don't always accidentally step on the cat but when I do, I spend the next five minutes giving him an elaborate and thoughtful apology
320,674 shares
I don't always ask for extra sauce at Mcdonalds's but when i do the employee acts like it's coming out of their own fucking private stash
469,698 shares
I don't always listen to pop music in my car but when I do I make sure to roll up my windows so no one else can hear
139,914 shares
I don't always teach Shakespeare in class but when I do I go out of my way to point out every dirty joke and sexual innuendo
250,325 shares
I don't always eat waffles for breakfast But when I do, I compulsively fill every visible waffle-pocket with syrup
194,582 shares
I don't always get a phone call but when I do, it's my mom asking if I got her text message
217,414 shares
I don't always call someone but when I do, I walk around in the house in the same repetitive pattern until the call is over
312,949 shares
I don't always iron but when I do I add a new, crisper wrinkle for every wrinkle I get rid of
193,963 shares
I don't always lose my cell phone but when I do its on silent
258,400 shares
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