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I don't always check my Facebook news feed... but when I do, i realize that i don't give a fuck
139,174 shares
I don't always have pregnancy scares with my girlfriend... but when I do, we celebrate not being pregnant by having more sex.
36,122 shares
I don't always wear sweat pants in public but when I do, everything in the world tries to give me a boner
25,439 shares
I don't always play air guitar naked but when I do, I use my penis as a whammy bar
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I don't always fart in public. but when I do, I sit like this
32,874 shares
I don't always put an exclamation point at the end of my phrases but when i do, it's because i'm chatting a girl on facebook
27,112 shares
I don't always forget to check the volume when I put in earbuds, but when I do, jesus fucking christ son of a bitch bastard
108,827 shares
I don't always argue with atheists but when I do, I realize they know way more about the bible than I do
178,541 shares
I don't always look down at my crotch but when I do, I smile
68,138 shares
I don't always put things in the wrong pockets but when I do, MOTHER OF FUCK WHERE IS MY PHONE
168,072 shares
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