I'm a dick, but a courteous one.

I'm a dick, but a courteous one.  - I LET OUT A WET ACRID FART AS THE ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS ON MY HOTEL FLOOR.  COUPLE COMING DOWN THE HALL ASK ME TO HOLD THE DOOR FOR THEM AND I DO.   Confession Bear

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I still think about things I should have said In situations that happened more than five years ago

I still think about things I should have said In situations that happened more than five years ago

I only call my voicemail to get rid of the voicemail icon on my phone

I only call my voicemail to get rid of the voicemail icon on my phone

If you call your parents by their first name i automatically assume you're a brat.

If you call your parents by their first name i automatically assume you're a  brat.

I'm more concerned for my health when i eat mcdonalds than when i smoke or drink.

I'm more concerned for my health when i eat mcdonalds than when i smoke or drink.

I purposely don't poop in the morning So I can get paid to do it at work

I purposely don't poop in the morning So I can get paid to do it at work

I Wear the same Jeans Every day for weeks at a time

I Wear the same Jeans Every day for weeks at a time

I think the abused animal commercials Are sadder than the abused children commercials

I think the abused animal commercials Are sadder than the abused children commercials

I understood Inception The first time I saw it

I understood Inception The first time I saw it

I have more conversations in my head than i do in real life

I have more conversations in my head than i do in real life

If a girl is really hot I automatically assume she's a bitch

If a girl is really hot I automatically assume she's a bitch
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