220,423 shares
Women praise me for putting the toilet seat back down after I pee I never lift it up
266,936 shares
The reason I don't delete certain people off my FaceBook? Because everyone loves a good trainwreck
92,906 shares
I told every girlfriend I've had for the past 5 years that I have never came from a blowjob They all try to be the first to make me, and they feel like they accomplished something when I do.
416,920 shares
I was in the supermarket and saw a loud spoiled child running with a shopping cart toward a pole I did nothing to stop him and he lost his two front teetth
164,807 shares
my wife doesn't like to go to new restaurants i buy gift cards to restaurants I want to try and tell her I got them from work.
359,295 shares
I took a $5 sports bet from a drunk guy in a bar the game was a replay
307,817 shares
If all your pictures are a close up of your face I automatically assume you're fat
202,130 shares
I like it when the fat lady at Subway makes my sandwich because she piles food on it like she would her own
A woman was tailgating me on the way to work So I brake checked her the next time she took a sip of coffee, causing it to spill all over her
514,569 shares
I SENT AN EMAIL TO MY BOSS USING A FAKE NAME COMMENDING MY WORK I GOT A PROMOTION
352,166 shares
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