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My mother used to write erotic "romance" novels under a pseudonym. I found a box of them in her closet and would furiously masturbate to them till I found out she wrote them

My mother used to write erotic
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196,235 shares

I still think about things I should have said In situations that happened more than five years ago

I still think about things I should have said In situations that happened more than five years ago
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354,460 shares

I only call my voicemail to get rid of the voicemail icon on my phone

I only call my voicemail to get rid of the voicemail icon on my phone
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207,695 shares

If you call your parents by their first name i automatically assume you're a brat.

If you call your parents by their first name i automatically assume you're a brat.
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393,946 shares

I'm more concerned for my health when i eat mcdonalds than when i smoke or drink.

I'm more concerned for my health when i eat mcdonalds than when i smoke or drink.
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227,074 shares

I purposely don't poop in the morning So I can get paid to do it at work

I purposely don't poop in the morning So I can get paid to do it at work
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463,469 shares

I Wear the same Jeans Every day for weeks at a time

I Wear the same Jeans Every day for weeks at a time
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298,452 shares

I think the abused animal commercials Are sadder than the abused children commercials

I think the abused animal commercials Are sadder than the abused children commercials
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251,917 shares

I understood Inception The first time I saw it

I understood Inception The first time I saw it
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220,748 shares

I have more conversations in my head than i do in real life

I have more conversations in my head than i do in real life
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263,485 shares

If a girl is really hot I automatically assume she's a bitch

If a girl is really hot I automatically assume she's a bitch
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184,339 shares

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