"We all had a friend like this." That Must have been nice.

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Not as forever alone with a pet...

LEAVE THE HOUSE JUST SO MY DOG WILL BE HAPPY TO SEE ME

Asked to be the 6th groomsman in friend's wedding There are 5 bridesmaids

Asked to be the 6th groomsman in friend's wedding There are 5 bridesmaids

Forgot to put phone on silent at the movie theater Didn't matter

Forgot to put phone on silent at the movie theater Didn't matter

Last time i got some ass my fingers went through the toilet paper

Last time i got some ass my fingers went through the toilet paper

I paid off all my debts Now no one calls me

I paid off all my debts Now no one calls me

wins a trip for two to hawaii goes twice

wins a trip for two to hawaii goes twice

received one text all day: Walgreen's reminder to refill anti-depressants

received one text all day: Walgreen's reminder to refill anti-depressants

flipping a coin my best chances of getting head

flipping a coin my best chances of getting head

Commits crime still not wanted

Commits crime still not wanted

finally receives a text "Your verizon bill is now available"

finally receives a text
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