Parker, you know my favorite brand of rice? no, what? Uncle Ben's.

Parker, you know my favorite brand of rice? no, what? Uncle Ben's.   JJ Jameson

Drink bottle of red wine health conscious

Drink bottle of red wine health conscious  Foul Bachelor Frog

Has drunk sex with best female friend still talks to her next day

Has drunk sex with best female friend still talks to her next day  Good Guy Greg

barely knows you "You would."

barely knows you

Caught in an earthquake Stays perfectly still

Caught in an earthquake Stays perfectly still  Awesome Michael J Fox

I love the look on your face as your eyes adjust to the dark...

I love the look on your face as your eyes adjust to the dark...  Horrifying Houseguest

"hey, brah, let me just show you this objective reality for a second" shows you subjective reality

Therapist: Tell me the biggest thing you accomplished this week. Me: I made it to the front page of reddit! Therapist: What's reddit? Me: The thing preventing me from accomplishing anything else.

Therapist: Tell me the biggest thing you accomplished this week.
Me: I made it to the front page of reddit! Therapist: What's reddit?
Me: The thing preventing me from accomplishing anything else.  Socially Awkward Penguin

Spent $300 on textbooks 3 months ago? Best I can do is $20

Spent $300 on textbooks 3 months ago? Best I can do is $20  Pawn Star

ICE COLD WATER? FALSE. IF IT WAS AS COLD AS ICE, IT WOULD BE ICE.

ICE COLD WATER?  FALSE.  
IF IT WAS AS COLD AS ICE, IT WOULD BE ICE.  Schrute