I don't always teach Shakespeare in class but when I do I go out of my way to point out every dirty joke and sexual innuendo

I don't always teach Shakespeare in class but when I do I go out of my way to point out every dirty joke and sexual innuendo  The Most Interesting Man In The World

I'll have you know that I completely untangled my earphones And I only said Seriously and God dammit 17 times

I'll have you know that I completely untangled my earphones  And I only said Seriously and God dammit 17 times  Tough Spongebob

Last time i got some ass my fingers went through the toilet paper

Last time i got some ass my fingers went through the toilet paper  Forever Alone

claims he can't afford to pay rent goes out drinking every other night

claims he can't afford to pay rent goes out drinking every other night  Scumbag Steve

Told my boss i've been getting slightly overpaid for the last 2 months upped my salary by 3K a year

Told my boss i've been getting slightly overpaid for the last 2 months upped my salary by 3K a year    Success Kid

being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad

being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad  Sudden Clarity Clarence

Not sure if I'm extremely ugly that no one wants to sit next to me or I'm so attractive that I intimidate people

Not sure if I'm extremely ugly that no one wants to sit next to me or I'm so attractive that I intimidate people   Futurama Fry

The three treadmills to my left were open and she chose the one right next to me So I guess you can say things are getting pretty serious

The three treadmills to my left were open and she chose the one right next to me So I guess you can say things are getting pretty serious  Things are getting pretty serious

Not sure if "Under Pressure" Or "Ice Ice Baby"

Not sure if

If you're a hardcore creationist and you take a historical geology class You're gonna have a bad time

If you're a hardcore creationist and you take a historical geology class You're gonna have a bad time  Super Cool Ski Instructor