I thought saying "Jacking off" was synonymous with "slacking off" When my teacher asked where my homework was, I told her "Sorry I jacked off this weekend"

I thought saying

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE, I FOUND MY MOMS VIBRATOR, AND SHE TOLD IT WAS A HAND MASSAGER I PLAYED WITH IT FOR HOURS, AND EVEN PUT IT IN MY MOUTH

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE, I FOUND MY MOMS VIBRATOR, AND SHE TOLD IT WAS A HAND MASSAGER I PLAYED WITH IT FOR HOURS, AND EVEN PUT IT IN MY MOUTH  Confession kid

Admitted to a girl that I have a small penis Says 'that's good because I have a small mouth'

Admitted to a girl that I have a small penis Says 'that's good because I have a small mouth'  Success Kid

Tried to text ex late last night too drunk, forgot to hit send

Tried to text ex late last night too drunk, forgot to hit send  Success Kid

If you lend someone a pen , don't give them the lid People are far less likely to put it in their pocket without a lid

If you lend someone a pen , don't give them the lid People are far less likely to put it in their pocket without a lid  Actual Advice Mallard

I thought 'bondage' was just another form of the word bonding... and told friends and teachers about weekend family bondage

I thought 'bondage' was just another form of the word bonding... and told friends and teachers about weekend family bondage  Confession kid

if you wake up super early after a night of drinking, it's because your blood sugar level is low eat a piece of bread, or a spoon full of peanut butter. it will spike your insulin levels , and you can go back to sleep

if you wake up super early after a night of drinking, it's because your blood sugar level is low eat a piece of bread, or a spoon full of peanut butter. it will spike your insulin levels , and you can go back to sleep  Actual Advice Mallard

I bought my brother and his friends de-alcoholized beer So I could watch them act Drunk all night

I bought my brother and his friends de-alcoholized beer So I could watch them act Drunk all night  Confession Bear

If you get caught in an avalanche Cup your hands around your mouth to create an air pocket and then spit. Gravity will tell you which way to dig.

If you get caught in an avalanche Cup your hands around your mouth to create an air pocket and then spit. Gravity will tell you which way to dig.  Actual Advice Mallard

Horse racing is just Nascar for rich people

Horse racing is just Nascar for rich people  Sudden Clarity Clarence