Kisses your balls before bed "I just kissed the kids goodnight."

Kisses your balls before bed

I STOLE MY NEIGHBORS DOG BECAUSE THEY WERE ALWAYS LOSING IT AND IT WAS NEGLECTED AND GAVE IT TO MY EX-WIFE AND I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AT ALL

I STOLE MY NEIGHBORS DOG BECAUSE THEY WERE ALWAYS LOSING IT AND IT WAS NEGLECTED AND GAVE IT TO MY EX-WIFE AND I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AT ALL  Confession Bear

A dog is taller sitting down than standing up

A dog is taller sitting down  than standing up  Sudden Clarity Clarence

Freddie Mercury? Who is he? A Bruno Mars ripoff?

Freddie Mercury? Who is he? A Bruno Mars ripoff?  Musically Oblivious 8th Grader

WHEN I WAS A KID... I loved the smell of my vagina. So I stuck my finger in my vagina and made my grandma smell my finger.

WHEN I WAS A KID... I loved the smell of my vagina. So I stuck my finger in my vagina and made my grandma smell my finger.  Confession kid

Talk to a girl with speech defect at a party don't realize she has a speech defect and play along with her "funny" articulation

Talk to a girl with speech defect at a party don't realize she has a speech defect and play along with her

I ate leaves as a kid because the tree stars from the land before time looked delicious

I ate leaves as a kid because the tree stars from the land before time looked delicious  Confession kid

Want to avoid drunk-texting your ex-gf? Delete her number.

Want to avoid drunk-texting your ex-gf? Delete her number.  Actual Advice Mallard

Never have to worry about drunk texting an ex Because I don't have any

Never have to worry about drunk texting an ex  Because I don't have any  Forever Alone Success Kid

Puts pen in pocket Without pen cap

Puts pen in pocket Without pen cap  Insanity Wolf