I don't always bring you a present but when I do, its 3am and the mother fucker is still alive and fighting.

I don't always bring you a present but when I do, its 3am and the mother fucker is still alive and fighting.  The Most Interesting Cat in the World

" I don't watch TV. I don't even have a TV." Has Netflix, Hulu Plus and Amazon Prime; has seen every episode of "Gossip Girl."

If a girl asks you to get something out of her purse Bring the whole purse, that bitch is a labyrinth inside

If a girl asks you to get something out of her purse Bring the whole purse, that bitch is a labyrinth inside  Actual Advice Mallard

I don't want to go out with the guy that likes me But I don't want him to go out with anyone else either.

I don't want to go out with the guy that likes me But I don't want him to go out with anyone else either.  Confession Bear

Why the fuck when I miss your call and call immediately back do you not pick up

Why the fuck when I miss your call and call immediately back do you not pick up  Annoyed Picard HD

hot girl flirts, gives phone #, kisses me on cheek, and grabs my ass before leaving Checks wallet to make sure she's not a professional thief

hot girl flirts, gives phone #, kisses me on cheek, and grabs my ass before leaving Checks wallet to make sure she's not a professional thief  Socially Awesome Awkward Penguin

I don't always say what but when i do, i realize what you said as soon as you start repeating yourself

I don't always say what but when i do, i realize what you said as soon as you start repeating yourself  The Most Interesting Man In The World

I don't always get a sore throat but when I do, i swallow every five seconds to see if it still hurts

I don't always get a sore throat but when I do, i swallow every five seconds to see if it still hurts  The Most Interesting Man In The World

As a kid I thought "euthanize" was spelled "youth-anize" I then suggested to my parents that we "youth-anize" grandma since she's getting old.

As a kid I thought

WHEN I GET WITH A NEW GUY I TELL HIM I'VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM SO HE TRIES HARDER AND THE SEX IS ALWAYS BETTER

WHEN I GET WITH A NEW GUY I TELL HIM I'VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM SO HE TRIES HARDER AND THE SEX IS ALWAYS BETTER  Confession Bear