always check your motorcycle helmet for spiders before you are driving down the highway at 50mph

always check your motorcycle helmet for spiders before you are driving down the highway at 50mph  Actual Advice Mallard

guy says I'm cute i point to his beer and say 'that's why!'

guy says I'm cute i point to his beer and say 'that's why!'  Socially Awesome Awkward Penguin

Not sure if wife's thong or daughter's

Not sure if wife's thong or daughter's  Futurama Fry

5 page minimum? 5 page maximum

5 page minimum? 5 page maximum  Lazy College Senior

fights communism to defeat its totalitarian system Embraces totalitarian system to secretly spy on citizens in the name of Freedom.

fights communism to defeat its totalitarian system Embraces totalitarian system to secretly spy on citizens in the name of Freedom.  Scumbag america

turns off video game as soon as you're about to beat him

turns off video game as soon as you're about to beat him  Misc

Driving home at night when a furry black animal jumps out of the ditch and I hit it. Stop my car to make sure I didn't run over someone's cat. Gets sprayed by a skunk.

Driving home at night when a furry black animal jumps out of the ditch and I hit it.  Stop my car to make sure I didn't run over someone's cat. Gets sprayed by a skunk.  Bad Luck Brian

The government says "If you're not doing anything wrong, you shouldn't have anything to hide." If that is true, shouldn't the government declassify everything?

The government says

Met up with a girl from the internet she is more attractive than in her pictures

Met up with a girl from the internet she is more attractive than in her pictures   Success Kid

lift up hot girl onto my shoulders at house party fart really loudly from struggling with the weight then drop her on her face in front of 30 people

lift up hot girl onto my shoulders at house party fart really loudly from struggling with the weight then drop her on her face in front of 30 people  Socially Awesome Awkward Penguin