Orders $80+ of pizza and doesn't tip "Sorry bro, times are tight"

Orders $80+ of pizza and doesn't tip

I don't always say something stupid in a conversation But when I do, I beat myself up about it for the rest of the day

I don't always say something stupid in a conversation But when I do, I beat myself up about it for the rest of the day  The Most Interesting Man In The World

if my girlfriend would actually tell me where she wants to go out for dinner I would be so happy

if my girlfriend would actually tell me where she wants to go out for dinner I would be so happy  Craig - I would be so happy

Got a full body massage Didn't pop a boner

Got a full body massage Didn't pop a boner  Success Kid

is cold-blooded but warms your heart

is cold-blooded but warms your heart  Ridiculously Photogenic Gecko

What If aliens are trying to contact us on the net but "are you human" filters keep stopping them?

What If aliens are trying to contact us on the net but

Why did the Walrus go to a tupperware party? It was looking for a tight seal

Why did the Walrus go to a tupperware party? It was looking for a tight seal  Bad Joke Eel

crush he has been after for months drunk texts him to come over for booty call. rushes to put on jeans, penis gets stuck in zipper ends up in ER

crush he has been after for months drunk texts him to come over for booty call.  rushes to put on jeans, penis gets stuck in zipper ends up in ER  Bad Luck Brian

You are so comfortable to sleep with When you die I should have you taxidermied so I always have you as a pillow

You are so comfortable to sleep with When you die I should have you taxidermied so I always have you as a pillow   Overly Attached Girlfriend

If your girlfriend is too heavy for you to pick up Don't tell her

If your girlfriend is too heavy for you to pick up Don't tell her  Actual Advice Mallard