Only drinks Socially 40 years sober

Only drinks Socially 40 years sober  Forever Alone

Attempts to burgle a house Macaulay Culkin's

Attempts to burgle a house Macaulay Culkin's  Bad Luck Brian

The rolling stones means "rock and roll"

The rolling stones means

i started my practice in 2010 That's right... 14 years of experience

i started my practice in 2010 That's right... 
14 years of experience  Lawyer Dog

The amount of people that confuse "to" and "too" Is two damn high

The amount of people that confuse

getting married can't come up with 4 groomsmen

getting married can't come up with 4 groomsmen   Socially Awesome Awkward Penguin

Oh, you're a freshman and pre-med? Should I call you Dr. from now?

Oh, you're a freshman and pre-med? Should I call you Dr. 
from now?  Condescending Wonka

ask girl on date "aw you're so cute"

ask girl on date

YOU'RE A BIG FAN AND WANT AN AUTOGRAPH? THE BEST I CAN DO IS INITIALS

YOU'RE A BIG FAN AND WANT AN AUTOGRAPH? THE BEST I CAN DO IS INITIALS   Pawn Star

Sees friend in the distance looks away until he's close enough to say hello

Sees friend in the distance looks away until he's close enough to say hello  Socially Awkward Penguin