I beat my pregnant wife to the car, so i could open the door for her

I beat my pregnant wife to the car, so i could open the door for her  Successful Black Man

Lonely and can't fall asleep. Forges a makeshift girl made out of pillows to cuddle with.

Lonely and can't fall asleep. Forges a makeshift girl made out of pillows to cuddle with.  Forever Alone

Daylight Saving time Clock in my car will finally be correct.

Daylight Saving time Clock in my car will finally be correct.  Success Kid

There's millions of microorganisms on my body. I am a mothership.

There's millions of microorganisms on my body. I am a mothership.  10 Guy

I want to drink my oreo shake but oreos keep getting stuck in the straw

I want to drink my oreo shake but oreos keep getting stuck in the straw  First World Problems

Don't know who to vote for on tuesday? why not zoidberg?

Don't know who to vote for on tuesday? why not zoidberg?  Misc

This bag is so full of fries I can't reach my burger

This bag is so full of fries I can't reach my burger  First World Problems

Effective 99.9% of the time? I don't like those odds

Effective 99.9% of the time? I don't like those odds  Paranoid Parrot

Doesn't have money for rent Buys beer

Doesn't have money for rent Buys beer  Scumbag Steve

First Spin on "Wheel of Fortune" Give me an "X"

First Spin on