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If you wear a flat-billed hat I automatically think you're a douche bag

If you wear a flat-billed hat I automatically think you're a douche bag Confession Bear
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121,254 shares

Disneyland Is a people trap, built by a mouse.

Disneyland Is a people trap, built by a mouse. Sudden Clarity Clarence
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196,551 shares

Wanna make your wife scream during sex? Call her so she'll hear it.

Wanna make your wife scream during sex? Call her so she'll hear it. Inappropriate Timing Bill Clinton
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86,836 shares

Not sure if most mainstream music really does suck Or I'm just a hipster now

Not sure if most mainstream music really does suck Or I'm just a hipster now Futurama Fry
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200,659 shares

They are called cents because that's what percentage of a dollar they are

They are called cents because that's what percentage of a dollar they are Sudden Clarity Clarence
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174,563 shares

Whenever my girlfriend shows me something funny from the internet I pretend I haven't already seen it on reddit so she doesn't feel bad

Whenever my girlfriend shows me something funny from the internet I pretend I haven't already seen it on reddit so she doesn't feel bad Confession Bear
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255,811 shares

Remember that girl that treated us like shit and broke your heart? I miss her

Remember that girl that treated us like shit and broke your heart? I miss her Scumbag Brain
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310,014 shares

Why the fuck Did you pay to call 411 when you have a smartphone with google

Why the fuck Did you pay to call 411 when you have a smartphone with google Annoyed Picard HD
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362,696 shares

farts in public when it's cold out checks ass to see if steam came out

farts in public when it's cold out checks ass to see if steam came out Paranoid Parrot
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169,566 shares

are those your clothes i sea lion on my floor tomorrow morning?

are those your clothes i sea lion on my floor tomorrow morning? Crazy Secret
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428,186 shares