If you wear a flat-billed hat I automatically think you're a douche bag

If you wear a flat-billed hat I automatically think you're a douche bag  Confession Bear

Disneyland Is a people trap, built by a mouse.

Disneyland Is a people trap, built by a mouse.  Sudden Clarity Clarence

Wanna make your wife scream during sex? Call her so she'll hear it.

Wanna make your wife scream during sex? Call her so she'll hear it.  Inappropriate Timing Bill Clinton

Not sure if most mainstream music really does suck Or I'm just a hipster now

Not sure if most mainstream music really does suck Or I'm just a hipster now   Futurama Fry

They are called cents because that's what percentage of a dollar they are

They are called cents because that's what percentage of a dollar they are  Sudden Clarity Clarence

Whenever my girlfriend shows me something funny from the internet I pretend I haven't already seen it on reddit so she doesn't feel bad

Whenever my girlfriend shows me something funny from the internet I pretend I haven't already seen it on reddit so she doesn't feel bad  Confession Bear

Remember that girl that treated us like shit and broke your heart? I miss her

Remember that girl that treated us like shit and broke your heart? I miss her  Scumbag Brain

Why the fuck Did you pay to call 411 when you have a smartphone with google

Why the fuck Did you pay to call 411 when you have a smartphone with google  Annoyed Picard HD

farts in public when it's cold out checks ass to see if steam came out

farts in public when it's cold out checks ass to see if steam came out  Paranoid Parrot

are those your clothes i sea lion on my floor tomorrow morning?

are those your clothes i sea lion on my floor tomorrow morning?  Crazy Secret