I have never once told anyone that someone said hi

I have never once told anyone that someone said hi  Confession Bear

how many fat chicks do you need to go out with before you can say you've dated tons of women?

how many fat chicks do you need to go out with before you can say you've dated tons of women?  Philosoraptor

One Does Not Simply Get in the shower and then turn the water on

One Does Not Simply Get in the shower and then turn the water on  Boromir

Makes gift nearly impossible to open not even a good gift

Makes gift nearly impossible to open not even a good gift  Scumbag Steve

Caffeine is only in soda To replace cocaine

Caffeine is only in soda To replace cocaine  Sudden Clarity Clarence

woke up in the middle of an awesome dream the dream continued when i went back to sleep

woke up in the middle of an awesome dream the dream continued when i went back to sleep  Success Kid

They told me I had type-A blood But it was a type-O

They told me I had type-A blood But it was a type-O  Lame Pun Coon

Hits snooze on on the alarm clock Spends the next 9 minutes wide awake worrying it accidently turned off

Hits snooze on on the alarm clock Spends the next 9 minutes wide awake worrying it accidently turned off   Paranoid Parrot

I've been walking for two minutes And one of my socks has started to slowly come off

I've been walking for two minutes And one of my socks has started to slowly come off  First World Problems

Not sure if dog is going deaf Or has just realized I'm not worth listening to

Not sure if dog is going deaf Or has just realized I'm not worth listening to  Futurama Fry