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Paranoid Parrot

Chest pain? Probably a heart attack

Chest pain? Probably a heart attack Paranoid Parrot
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83,969 shares

go to a store wearing something you bought there get nervous they'll think you're trying to steal it

go to a store wearing something you bought there get nervous they'll think you're trying to steal it Paranoid Parrot
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99,994 shares

about to correct someone's spelling googles it to make sure

about to correct someone's spelling googles it to make sure Paranoid Parrot
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52,897 shares

Home alone still closes and locks the bathroom door

Home alone still closes and locks the bathroom door Paranoid Parrot
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66,077 shares

Watches garage door as it closes So the murderer cant roll under at the last second

Watches garage door as it closes So the murderer cant roll under at the last second Paranoid Parrot
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296,451 shares

Brushed up against at concert immediately check pocket for wallet

Brushed up against at concert immediately check pocket for wallet Paranoid Parrot
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286,043 shares

before class, turns laptop volume down to zero then hits mute

before class, turns laptop volume down to zero then hits mute Paranoid Parrot
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219,433 shares

my Signature looks slightly different than last time im going to get arrested for stealing my own identity

my Signature looks slightly different than last time im going to get arrested for stealing my own identity Paranoid Parrot
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150,897 shares

Remotely locks car Presses three more times, just in case

Remotely locks car Presses three more times, just in case Paranoid Parrot
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217,912 shares

Moves in with boyfriend Stops pooping entirely, eventually requires emergency medical attention

Moves in with boyfriend Stops pooping entirely, eventually requires emergency medical attention Paranoid Parrot
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64,740 shares