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Story Time Jesus

So this guy is trying to crucify me, and i'm like bro do you even lift?

So this guy is trying to crucify me, and i'm like bro do you even lift? Story Time Jesus
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I am god, and am omniscient But I don't know when I will be back. Matthew 24:36

I am god, and am omniscient But I don't know when I will be back. Matthew 24:36 Story Time Jesus
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4,041 shares

...then i gave that bitch a foot bath. Bitches love foot baths. John 13:5

...then i gave that bitch a foot bath. Bitches love foot baths. John 13:5 Story Time Jesus
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3,819 shares

So they were all, "NO WAY!" and I was like "YAHWEH!" Caption 3 goes here

So they were all,
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3,723 shares

So this guy was trying to crucify me and I was like bro do you even lift?

So this guy was trying to crucify me and I was like bro do you even lift? Story Time Jesus
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3,407 shares

So I was hungry and wanted a Fig; not in season but Whatevs I check a tree- get this; bitch didn't have any figs, so I'm like 'fuck you tree, fuck you forever.' (My bros'll back me up, they totes saw me do it) -mark 11

So I was hungry and wanted a Fig; not in season but Whatevs I check a tree- get this; bitch didn't have any figs, so I'm like 'fuck you tree, fuck you forever.' (My bros'll back me up, they totes saw me do it) -mark 11 Story Time Jesus
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3,277 shares

yolo Unless you are the son of god

yolo Unless you are the son of god Story Time Jesus
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3,271 shares

so I told everyone I was gods son and they believed me!!!

so I told everyone I was gods son and they believed me!!! Story Time Jesus
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3,075 shares

so my dad told them, "guys, come on, seriously, don't eat that." first thing she does is eat it. so yeah, thats why i'm here.

so my dad told them,
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3,060 shares

there is one constant that has plagued human history even I had to learn to deal with, dudes. haters gonna hate. john 15:18

there is one constant that has plagued human history even I had to learn to deal with, dudes. haters gonna hate. john 15:18 Story Time Jesus
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2,950 shares

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