Story Time Jesus

So my dad was like, "Don't look back yo!" But the bitch did anyway so he turned her into a pillar of salt! Then lot was all like, "wtf bro! how am I supposed to hit that now?"

So my dad was like,

So I was like "come on dude, you have got to come to my going away dinner."

So I was like

She was all like "Jesus take the wheel..." So i took the wheel bro...

She was all like

Dude you remember that time I got so hammered? I woke up in a cave 3 days later

Dude you remember that time I got so hammered? I woke up in a cave 3 days later   Story Time Jesus

Y entonces le dije, "abraham deberias sacrificar a tu hijo, no crees?" Pero luego fue como... "woah, tranquilo hermano, solo estaba jodiendo... deja ir al pobre chico" Caption 3 goes here

Y entonces le dije,

I'm sorry, I can't heal this person He has a preexisting condition

I'm sorry, I can't heal this person He has a preexisting condition  Story Time Jesus

...and these punks were hustling my bros So I straight up wrecked their shit' Matthew 21:12

...and these punks were hustling my bros So I straight up wrecked their shit' Matthew 21:12  Story Time Jesus

Nigga, I got the blood of christ IM DRUNK AS FUCK RIGHT NOW lol 10:1

Nigga, I got the blood of christ IM DRUNK AS FUCK RIGHT NOW lol 10:1  Story Time Jesus

So then i was like "Yolo? Nigga please"

So then i was like

So we'll like, have pancakes, then give up like, smoking for a month, or something. then you'll get a chocolate egg or something.

So we'll like, have pancakes, then give up like, smoking for a month, or something. then you'll get a chocolate egg or something.   Story Time Jesus
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